


nothing beautiful stays

by petalless



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Death, Love Confessions, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Stargazing, star tear disease, the sky reflected through the wings of a butterfly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:48:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27385957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petalless/pseuds/petalless
Summary: Keiji looks at the stars scattered across the expanse of the sky, like dust across a table. Ursa minor, Polaris, Sirius; all of them are breathtaking but not quite. None of them add up to the star that Koutarou is to him.The stars are far away and right next to him at the same time. He reaches for them with an unsteady hand and comes back empty both times.He wavers.He looks at the boy staring transfixed at the sky and sees a bit of the sky in him, fragmented pieces of unexplored, unlooked for galaxies and neglected stars. He tilts his head a bit and the skies are still there, untouched.for haikyuu angst week day 5: star tear disease, "did you ever love me?"
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	nothing beautiful stays

**Author's Note:**

> cw major character death / this is a collab with my bestie [owl](https://twitter.com/HiiragiKashimaa), he drew [ art ](https://twitter.com/HiiragiKashimaa/status/1324031971798888449) for it and its amazing so please check it out! and thank you [ ivo ](https://twitter.com/skkfucker) for proofreading this for me ily /p

The stars are with him, falling from his eyes and dropping underneath. They sparkle as they fall and Keiji tries to catch them but they slip through the crevices between his fingers and onto the floor.

They’re just like snowflakes falling from the sea that is the sky above him. They’re crystalline and fragile, they only need a small touch to melt into nothingness. Still, he tries to catch them as fruitless as it may seem.

He tried, at least.

Keiji’s phone rings, pulling him out of his snow-dusted daze.

“Are we still going stargazing tonight? The weather forecast said it’d be clear out today,” 

Koutarou sounds excited and Keiji can see the stars in his eyes; swirling constellations and painted galaxies that hold him transfixed. He’s looking through a telescope and Koutarou is at the other side.

“Yes, we are. Don’t worry about it Bokuto-san,” he lets himself smile a small smile; ephemeral like snowflakes.

* * *

Keiji looks at the stars scattered across the expanse of the sky, like dust across a table. Ursa minor, Polaris, Sirius; all of them are breathtaking but not quite. None of them add up to the star that Koutarou is to him.

The stars are far away and right next to him at the same time. He reaches for them with an unsteady hand and comes back empty both times.

He wavers.

He looks at the boy staring transfixed at the sky and sees a bit of the sky in him, fragmented pieces of unexplored, unlooked for galaxies and neglected stars. He tilts his head a bit and the skies are still there, untouched.

He wants to reach out and touch them, explore the galaxies and hold the stars no one has looked upon. He doesn’t, instead he shifts his gaze to the skies that are seen; the skies that are above him, holding him in. They catch him so he doesn’t fall into the endless stretch of them.

Koutarou points at a lone star above Keiji and he looks at it. He scrutinizes it, what could it have done to stand out to Koutarou. A lone star standing still in the expanse of a moving sky that it’s a part of. 

He wonders what he would have to do to catch Koutarou's gaze as the star does and feels a familiar sting in his eyes. He shakes off the unsettling thoughts about stars and the boy that he loves and redirects his gaze to the sky, he keeps it away from Koutarou.

The stars are lovely, and he feels something in his chest crack down the middle when he realizes that the stars he cries out when Koutarou isn't watching fall onto the cold floor and never make it to the skies that they aim for.

The stars deserve better and the tiny, insignificant voice in the back of his head tells him that he deserves better too.

He looks over at Koutarou fiddling with something on the side of his telescope and realizes that he will never look back.

Koutarou is a star to him and the stars are always far away and distant. If he’s honest, Keiji can't be worth as much as a star, he knows it.

He has a corner in his mind dedicated to the things he wants to ask Koutarou, the things he wants to say to Koutarou and sometimes he strays there and wonders what would happen if he just worked up the nerve to make it into the corner of the things he has said to Koutarou and the times he has spent with him. 

He could do that right now. In this moment that he’s spending with Koutarou, he can change them. 

He feels something off about it, the stars don’t sting as much in his eyes as they used to. He swallows back the feeling and hopes it doesn’t resurface.

“Koutarou.”

Koutarou turns around, he looks surprised. It’s the first time Keiji has ever used his first name. He hums and Keiji takes it as an invitation to continue.

“You know, there’s this person. I’ve liked them for a long time and I really don’t know how to tell them about it-”

Koutarou nods, _go on_.

Keiji averts his gaze, to the skies that aren’t in Koutarou’s eyes.

“But I don’t know if they like me back.”

Keiji’s last words are flat, the glass of a window. Closing out the skies. He looks over at Koutarou.

Koutarou notices stars trickling slowly down Keiji’s eyes and moves towards him to tap his shoulder softly. 

“Bokuto-san, did you ever love me.”

Koutarou feels something crack softly down the middle inside him when Keiji goes back to being formal. _I did love you- I do love you_ , he wants to say but he leaves the words in the unexplored galaxies behind him. 

“Akaashi,” he says instead faintly as he sees Keiji waver. He watches the stars twinkle faintly and moves to catch Keiji as he falls. _They shine brighter than the stars in the sky,_ he thinks. 

“You’re my star but I’m dropping stars for you.”

* * *

Keiji opens his eyes and sees a butterfly, flapping its iridescent wings and making its way towards the sun and the skies above it. He reaches out towards it softly, hoping it’ll take a rest and leave behind the unattainable skies it wants to reach. It slowly comes to rest on Keiji’s palm. 

He watches the sun’s rays filter through its fragile, glasslike wings. He could reach out and take it in his hands and crush its wings and it would never notice, he thinks for a moment. It’s a fleeting thought, he doesn’t pay it much attention. 

“Akaashi!” 

The butterfly spreads its wings and flies away towards the skies once again. He doesn’t notice, he wouldn’t have asked it to stay. 

Nothing beautiful stays. The rain only lasts for a few minutes, and if it lasts for more it turns into a fully fledged storm; contrasting, heavy as storm clouds, to the light rains that everyone loves. The phrase strikes up something new in a forgotten crevice of his mind and he forgets about it as soon as he recognizes it. 

Nothing beautiful stays and Keiji knows that all too well.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u enjoyed reading... im going 2 disappear off the face of the earth now ... leave a comment/kudos if u enjoyed /
> 
> [twt](link)


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